Expectations Mixed With Societal Pressure
In the moment, my expectations are so real and so strong. When things don’t go to my plan, I feel let down and personally hurt, like the other person doesn’t care about me. I find others to blame for not meeting my needs, even though I may not have been clear with what my expectations were in the first place. But why wouldn’t they know? My expectations are the right solution to a problem or the perfect outcome. Oftentimes I feel let down by others, and it’s my own dang fault.
After a situation arises I will look back and say to myself, “Melissa, what were you thinking?” I am able to process afterwards that I have an unhealthy relationship with my own expectations which can put a burden on my relationships with others and myself. I have to be able to find the willpower to change my mindset and not try so hard to reach “perfection.”
Just recently I had a breakthrough on why my expectations were so high and why I was always searching for something more in life. I think there are two main reasons. 1. I was raised in a family where that was modeled. Work hard, make good money, and provide for the family. My dad was the first kid in his family to go to college, and has been very successful in life. You watch a story like that play out, and of course there is immediate pressure to be successful too. 2. I am living someone else’s life. I am living someone else’s expectations and their goals that they have for me. As the same in number 1, there were expectations placed on my brother and I about going to college, finding good jobs, making good money, having a family and taking care of the house. I don’t like to let people down, so naturally it was the path I followed. But not only was there family pressure, there is also societal pressure on what the expectations of a woman in this world are. Therefore, living someone else’s life, someone else’s expectations, even if it’s an unrealistic image portrayed out in movies, or from year past. Women are transforming and taking on more, doing more, working more, and we need to adjust just to survive in this world.
To be honest, I am exhausted. I have taken on expectations that were placed on me, and have added my own, but I have never really sat back and asked myself what I really want. I think at the very least I do not want to be judged by others. Why do I care? Because we were brought up to care. Society places large amounts of expectations on people, women specifically. We have to be married, have a family, have a good job, take care of the house, the kids, make dinner, pack lunch’s, but then at the same time, there are limitations on women. Women shouldn’t be making more than the man of the family, shouldn’t have a better job, and shouldn’t be included at the table with all the men. Women’s rights have come a long way, but we aren’t there yet.
I say all of this to remind ourselves that it’s ok to not be perfect. I know I am surely not. Forget societal pressures and lets band together and fight for what we want. Go be a CEO of that company, be a racecar driver, or play football. Do what YOU want to do, not what someone else wants you to do. Don’t put limitations on yourself. But remember, we all have different expectations, and just as I said above, we cannot place expectations on others, for what we want to see in them. We are just adding to their stress, and that isn’t fair. Be supportive of one another, raise each other up.
I am choosing today, to focus on how I set expectations not only for myself, but for others as well. To reduce the pressure I put on myself and others in that quest for perfection. It’s ok to admit I am not always right. Trying to re-write a story, and societal pressures that have been passed down for hundreds of years will not happen over night. But I can try and impact a change in my small corner of the world. We can do this. We can be strong.
I would love to hear about your personal journey as well. And I would love any and all tips you have tried and that have worked.
Love and Happiness to all.
Melissa M
happinessexpected@gmail.com