I am Enough
It has been over a year since I made an entry into my blog. It was a long year, filled with lots of ups and downs, new passions and plenty of adventures. I ended a long term relationship, which was very difficult, but also incredibly revitalizing. I focused on traveling, and diving. I started a new job, I focused on family, I got involved in my community more and every day, I focused on me, and being better than the last day. This last year was a very transformational year for me. I learned a lot about myself, and even more importantly, I started believing in all of the positive things. Not just saying them or writing them, but truly believing. It has changed my life.
Last year I was at a breaking point. I was really feeling the covid fatigue, I was stressed with work, even though I really enjoyed my job, and I was exhausted in what was a really negative and unhealthy relationship.
Let’s start with my decision to end my relationship. We lived together, and he had 2 children, while I have my son. We had lived together for 3 years, and together for about 4 years. I had told myself when we moved in together, that this was it, no matter what happens in this relationship, that I would make it work. We were a blended family and our kids were involved. I loved his kids, and still do. But we both had things going on, which fed into each others fears and vulnerabilities. For me, I needed trust, reliability and empathy. I also needed someone who was going to push me in life, to be the best version of myself, to strive for more and to not get stuck in auto pilot. I want to learn every day and push myself forward.
Lets just say, that at the end of the day we were not compatible, and there was such a breach in trust that I struggled internally for a long time about wanting this relationship to work, but ultimately knowing that it wouldn’t. I made the brave decision to be vulnerable and open about where my head was and how I needed to step away from the relationship. It was a very hard conversation to have. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt immediately relieved. A huge weight had been lifted off of me. While I was sad, I was feeling refreshed. Anticipation for what the future held for me in the best possible way, trusting and believing in myself. The next few months were tough, while he looked for another place to live (I owned the home that we lived in together). Once he moved out, I felt invigorated, which continued to confirm that I had made the right decision. I changed the house around, painted and organized.
After a couple of months, I was feeling like I needed to do something for me, a trip, a solo trip. I was debating on going diving or going to Alaska. I had joined this online scuba network and they were running some upcoming trips in Mexico. I looked into flights for both, and weighed the pros and cons. Ultimately I ended up deciding that going diving was the right choice. I bought a ticket for one and showed up to meet a bunch of women I had not met before from this online group. We dove every morning and then shopped or hung at the pool or took naps in the afternoon. I could feel some things shifting inside me. I had never gone diving by myself before, without a buddy I knew well. I was able to prove to myself that I could do it, and do it well. I was able to build my self-confidence, and explore who I really was. I didn’t have any intention of truly finding myself on this trip, but I did. Not only that, I realized in my soul, that I am enough. I am capable. I am worthy. All of my insecurities vanished into thin air. And I wasn’t doing anything crazy when this reality hit, I was sitting on my hotel room bed. I immediately texted one of my friends and told her. I remember thinking, “Wow, there must be something to this solo travel thing.” I found ME. I believed in ME. Maybe for the first time ever. There was no doubt, there was nothing but truth.
I came home feeling like nothing I have felt before, belief in myself. What an inspirational transformation. I didn’t feel pressure from others, or judgement from others. I trusted myself to do the right thing for me, and to just be.
At that time I was working for a large company, where I really enjoyed my job. I had a great team and leaders that I was working with. I got a call one day, out of the blue, by a family friend I don’t think I have ever talked to on the phone before. He told me there was a job opening for a new company and he thought I would be a good fit for it. He wanted me to talk to the COO and CEO of the company. I told him that I was very happy with what I was currently doing, but was always open to a conversation. One conversation led to an office tour, which led to an offer. After speaking to everyone, I knew that this was a job that was meant for me. I felt it. Leaving my current employer was tough. I was leaving great people, but I knew this was the right choice. I leaned into my intuition and trusted it. All I can say, that it was an amazing transition and I love what I am doing now. I let a lot of stress go that I didn’t even realized I had, by leaving that job. I was able to start my new job with confidence and trust that it was right. I continued to get more and more clarity, making decisions that felt right and leaning into them. I was manifesting what I wanted, and it was working!
Lots of things happened in the meantime, but the most important thing, outside of what is written above, was my decision to continue to really pursue diving. Diving makes me happy, it brings me joy, and makes me feel fully alive. Not only did I discover myself while on a solo dive trip, but I am truly passionate about diving. There is a part of me that wants to leave this world a bit better than how I found it. Whenever I dive, I am on the lookout for trash and take items out of the ocean or lake or wherever I am diving. It may be small, but it makes me feel good. I really want to do an official ocean clean up day sometime soon. Diving brings me clarity, and inner peace. For anyone who is interested in diving, or who wants to meet up for a dive or travel to dive, let me know! I love meeting new divers and sharing my passion, or learning something new from other divers. Especially my mermaids!
I am enough. You are enough.
I discovered this realization while diving, and I hope you all can find a passion that brings you joy and clarity, like diving did for me.
But as a reminder for everyone:
You are Enough
You are Capable
You are Worthy
You are AMAZING
Love and Happiness to all!!
Melissa M
happinessexpected@gmail.com